I have been photographing myself for almost 20 years now in various ways but it all started with body acceptance as I was overweight and grew up being ridiculed for it. I wanted to show myself and the world that I was fat and I was beautiful. As time went on though, I stepped back from my focusing on just my body and began to photograph myself in narrative ways dealing with other issues with myself. Now having lost significant weight and dealing with a new body including skin that has been aged and stretched, I am slowly dealing with it again but only in video have I tackled it head on.
My Skin-Self Portrait Video #5
My Skin 2-Self Portrait Video #7
As I approach my 44th birthday, I start to think of myself as a warrior. I have fought the conceptions of body image for a very long time and now, I feel a certain strength stirring inside me. As I heard the musical piece used here in my latest video for the first time, I felt a powerful surge. I didn't understand the words (the lyrics are Hungarian) but there was that primal sound - one that I wanted to cry out as I thought about how my flabby (due to severe weight loss) body - that is getting more so as I age, is now looked at as "interesting" rather than sexy. I am fine with interesting but because I have become a "wise" woman with years of experience, I am more confident and I see my body as strong. There is a depth now to my sexuality as well that wasn't there in my 20's. So, Springtime is here and sexuality in general is at its heightened state for the human race and definitely for the animal race. I wanted to express that I am strong, I am sexy, I am woman, I am animal, I am warrior.