Friday, April 9, 2010

CaroH (29)

-self-portrait: fear-

CaroH writes:

I have used a red veil as a symbol of my suffering and also to hide that body that I was disliking and protect myself I guess. At the time when I shot this I was suffering emotionally. I had enough of the way I was living my life and needed to come out of the closet and confront my fear of becoming who I wanted to be, a fine art photographer. The best way for me to break the ice was to put myself naked with the veil and look at me as I was in the mirror, and that is what I did, all these shots ( first part of my self-portrait) were shot with the camera looking at my reflection in that mirror.

If you notice I don’t, on most of the photo, look in the mirror, it was at that time really difficult for me to do. My face is hidden with my shoulder, and the veil is reaching my face, I am looking down. I am afraid and I am cold. Will I be able to become CaroH and be that women that I know I am. By not looking in the mirror and by hiding my face, I am trying to hide my suffering, and who I was, that women who had enough of who she was. This shooting did me really good, it took me 3 months before I could even work on the photo, I needed to really disconnect from who I had been and dare to be CaroH. And I finally dare. All the way, I don’t regret a single minute of it.

I can tell that sometime it takes pain to grow and to understand the message life is sending. I think I am now starting to understand this message!

But CaroH still has a long path to climb before she becomes and feels that she is really CaroH.